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mrbernardjazz

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I'm a happy-go-lucky scamp!

the birds are swaying and the trees are singing

Created on 2008-07-21 15:33:13 (#16146434), last updated 2008-07-21

32 comments received, 28 comments posted

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1 Journal Entry, 2 Tags, 3 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 15 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	Bernard Black
Birthdate:	1988-01-08

Bio

Half ten? Half ten? I've never been up at half ten! What happens?

The pay's not great, but the work is hard.

Character Name; Bernard Black
Series/Fandom; Black Books

Age; 30-something
Gender; Male
Species; Human
Sexuality; Heterosexual

Who are you? Have I joined a cult?

Appearance; Bernard is both eccentric and average in appearance. Average height, average weight, average features. His black hair, though, is almost always seen standing on end or at the very least incredibly mussed. He dresses in dark colors, usually a worn, shabby old suit and is never seen without a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other, and speaks with an Irish accent, usually shouted.

Don't make me laugh... bitterly.

Personality;Bernard is loud and rude, rarely speaking at a volume below shouting and often accompanying his demands with violent, spastic hand gestures. He enjoys terrorizing everyone he comes across, including the customers in his bookstore, and has a witty, scathing remark for every occasion. He has a sense of humor, dark and bitter though it may be, and is rarely seen without a cigarette in his mouth and a glass of wine in his hand. He can hate an idea one moment and embrace it the next and, having done that, pursue it obsessively. He is, basically, insane, but also very clever, resourceful and quick thinking.

I've got to get a girlfriend, just for the summer, until this wears off. She'll be a summery girl. She'll have hair. She'll have summery friends who know how to be outside. She'll play tennis and wear dresses and have bare feet, and in the autumn, I'll ditch her, because she's my summer girl!

Strengths/Abilities; Bernard is good at coming up with insane, overly complicated ideas that, admittedly, rarely work. He also is very quick thinking and imaginative, able to come up with plots and schemes at a moment’s notice. He also has a handy talent for harassing others and coming up with quick, witty retorts.

Up with this I will not put!

Weaknesses; Aside from his obsessive, constant drinking and smoking and incredibly poor personal hygiene, Bernard is bad with relationships, and tends to make things far more difficult than they need to be.

Christ! Customers! Why didn't you lock the door?!

Notable Possessions; Bernard always seems to have a glass of wine, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter on him at all times as well as countless odds and ends in his pockets.

You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.

Background; Bernard lived a relatively normal life, aside from the occasional girlfriend lying about being dead in order to get away from him and that sort of thing. He owned a bookstore in London, next to his oldest friend Fran’s useless gift shop. Then, one day in a desperate attempt to avoid doing his taxes, he caught sight of a group of skinheads beating up a stranger outside and dashed out to convince them to maim him instead. It sort of went according to plan, in the sense that he got beat up as well but he also met Manny, the original victim who, it turned out was an accountant dissatisfied with his job and who Bernard hired later that night while drunk.

With an assistant in the shop some things, such as hygiene and customer service improved dramatically. Manny and Bernard, however, discovered they had a shared talent for getting into ridiculous situations and generally destroying their lives with their own stupidity. When not fighting off strange furry vermin, dealing with The Thing under the bed or trying to shoot the landlady’s cat they managed to bungle their way through complicated security systems, opening a café and generally getting into trouble. Most situations ended with Bernard shouting a lot and then getting drunk.

After one incident involving putting Manny’s hand into a toaster, Manny quit to work at the newly opened bookstore next door until Bernard apologized, which did not look likely. Things got straightened out in the end and soon life was back to normal insanity.

Which one of you bitches wants to dance?

Player Name; Emily
Journal; Lusa_Thul
Timezone; EST
Email; Rhapsodyingreen@cox.net
AIM; Little Centaur

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